School made life autonomous. When you go through 12 years of grade school it’s all the same. I can say that as someone who hated all 12 years of grade school and also pre-k. After barely surviving hormonal hell (high school), I’m ready for a change. I’m ready for college!
I am an unreliable narrator. I am not ready for college.
While I am exhausted of high school and the town I’m in, I’m nervous for college. I take the saying “the devil you know” (Sinners reference) very seriously. Part of my anxious brain wants to stay and be one of those losers that peaked in high school. Except it would be extra pathetic because I wasn’t fun and I didn’t have fun in high school. I’m not particularly easy to make quick friends with.
While that sounds like a sad little life I’m willing to live, leaving for college is necessary. I need space. Todays post is about helping me cope about the fact that I’ll be leaving.
These are my college goals.
1. I Want To Join The Newspaper (Maybe Even Become Editor)
I’m an English major (as of this hour) and I love writing (clearly). I’ve always wanted to join my colleges newspaper, no thanks to Rory Gilmore. Even though she’s an awful person to look up to, academically she’s a good inspiration.
I also did my high school’s yearbook (that’s a rant for another day) which surprisingly didn’t discourage me. Being editor made me remember how much I loved writing and really heightened my love for bossing people around.
2. Dorming Like A True American
Part of the true American experience is dorming at your college and not living with 3 generations until you die. I have been counting down the days until I move out since I was nine, when the sparkle in my eyes first started disappearing.
I am the first in my family to move away for college. My mom went to Valencia, UCF and FAMU Law which are all in Orlando and my aunt went to Valencia and UCF. Moving down to Miami seemed scary at first but when I went to orientation that was it. I was leaving.
The campus and city energy just felt right.
3. Freedom!!
This one is actually a part of my worries. I am worried that because I have such freedom I will get lazy or that I’ll let a negative mindset win me over. I have a lot of things I really want for myself. I want to work, I want to eventually join the honors college, and I want to be a much harder worker than I was in high school. This requires self discipline.
I’ve always struggled with self discipline, I have a very “It’ll work itself out!” mindset which has caused me way too much stress. So, to combat this I decided to fix a couple things in my daily month to reset my mindset for this last month of summer.
First, I need to walk everyday because the campus is huge and I don’t want to have cramps in my legs every night because they can’t handle it.
Second, forcing myself to use my planner. I usually keep good track of things in my head but this is the organized way.
Third, making sure my room stays clean. A trigger for my depression and psychosis can be a messy room so keeping it clean helps on multiple accounts.
Finally, fixing my sleep schedule. No more 2 am tik tok, from now on I get at least 8 hours, best case scenario, I’m getting a women’s 10 hours by the end of the month.
I’ve started each of these at different points during July, but it’s mostly been two weeks since I started and I feel amazing. I could also just be manic.
4. Esports Club
My brothers have always been handed video games right to them. For me it was assumed I didn’t want any of it because I was a girl. It was mostly my dads fault for the unfair treatment, but partially just plain patriarchy because I was embarrassed to say I wanted to get into video games.
By my junior year, I want to join the Competitive Smash Bros team, until then I will join the casual gaming club, the Esports club, and the GameHers (all female gaming club).
I really want to expand my video game knowledge.
5. Finally Learn How to…
I have been trying and failing (due to self discipline issues) at learning how to skateboard casually for a solid year now. A lot of kids skate around campus and I would love to be able to skate from place to place.
I also want to re-learn the guitar. This one might be harder to accomplish since I don’t have a guitar yet, only a dream. I believe there’s a way to make it happen though.
Since I am an English major, I want to get my writing skills to their peak. I am extremely excited to see how my writing style changes throughout college with this blog!
Fear is now excitement
Between writing this and orientation, my fear has mostly become excitement. Lucky for me, my roommate is also really sweet and I feel comfortable experiencing freshman year with her.
This is a new adventure a lot of kids my age face as well so I know I’m not alone.
If you too are scared for college or moving away or even the future, try not to let it take you. I was gonna end this with advice about being scared but I have none so just try not to be!